VolaciousNet

Hello Friends. It’s been a long time.

No, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, but I have gotten myself lost. The last few months have seen me fall into a life that I swore I never wanted. It’s left me lonely, angry, frustrated and unsure how to fix it. What clinched it for me was a few weeks ago when at a dinner, some vapid twink called me boring. I’ve never been referred to as boring before in my life, but he was right… that’s what I’ve become.

So to sum it up as quickly as possible – last year I was offered a new job but I took the counter-offer with the prospects that things would work out at my current company. Since then, my boss has quit (taking out 1/3 of the manpower) and nothing has been done to replace him. So I’ve been working 12-16 hour days for the last 3 months, and have become very frustrated and angry because there’s no recognition for the extra hours and my case for moving into new fields is now being ignored.

By bing angry and frustrated all the time, there’s been a lot of impact at home and in my social life – I’m not the person I used to be. My hobbies and outlets have gone – I’ve not been flying for months and I haven’t done anything musical or otherwise interesting in a long time. It’s been work… and that’s it. It takes me most of the weekend to relax from the stress of the week!

It got to the point not long ago when both Adam and I were seriously thinking of just throwing the towel in – selling the house, and taking our two boys up to Bathurst, where we could live an agrarian lifestyle without all the bullshit that goes with this pathetic excuse for a “modern life”. I kid you not – it’s a serious consideration and although I’ve calmed down a bit I’ve still not ruled it out.

Waddaya reckon – could there be a “Farmer Gus” ?

About 4 years ago, I admitted something to Adam that made him reel back in shock and horror. He stopped what he was doing, his jaw dropped, and initially he refused to believe me. He came and gave me a big hug and told me not to worry, he would help me as best he can.

I admitted that I had not seen The Lion King.

The evening’s plans were cancelled, we ordered pizza, and we lay out on the couch and watched that great classic. We even had a sooky moment during the closing credits to the tune of Elton’s immortal ballad. Now I was complete – or so I thought!

The same thing happened yesterday. I admitted, rather sheepishly, that I had not seen The Little Mermaid either. Adam was now quite incredulous. In fact, I then admitted that I still have not seen quite a few classics, including:

The Sound of Music

Cool Runnings

A Goofy Movie

Pocahontas

Toy Story

101 Dalmations

Bambi

Gone With The Wind

The Godfather (1, 2 or 3)

A Clockwork Orange

Fantasia

To name a few. I’m sure there are more.

So Adam made me sit down last night and watch The Little Mermaid with him. He can’t believe I was so neglected as a child. So we sprawled out on the couch and watched it, with chicken wings and beer. Bless

…I’ve got some catching up to do!

I want to take the stage for a bit and talk about the Black Dog. No, not Shelton, who ironically is the antithesis of the condition that the Black Dog refers to.

Depression awareness has gained much media attention lately, largely due to Charmaine Dragun, a beautiful and highly successful newsreader who, as the papers say, had “everything to live for”. At least that’s what outsiders thought. Now people are blaming the medication and “foolish doctors” for not assessing the situation properly.

This is a dangerous angle for the media to take, in my opinion. A lack of confidence in the ability of doctors and healthcare professionals to assist in the treatment of depression does not lead affected people to seek help, which many will agree is sometimes the only path you can take to overcome it.

I sit here and write this carefully, (with a scotch or two, naturally), as I still do not find depression an easy thing to talk about. Many people who have read this blog in its early years will know that I was diagnosed with chronic/major depression 9 years ago and one thing I probably didn’t mention is how close I came to doing something very silly with a twelve-guage. It’s a dark path I hope I never see again, and it really does tear my heart out when I hear of young people ending their life or going through such pain.

I could go on for pages about it, but so many people these days have been touched by the Black Dog, either themselves or someone close to them that I really do not need to go any further on this point. All I can stress is how much qualified healthcare professionals can help, especially if things progress to a serious point. Medication has its place – it helps you ride out the bad pits so you can start to piece yourself together in time.

I sit here now and I am thankful – extremely so. After 8 years I no longer take any medication, which is something that even the psych said was unlikely to ever happen. I have helped several family members, partners and close friends fight it and come out the other side. Will it return? Probably. But at least now the battlefield is defined and the tools are available to fight it.

So what am I trying to get at? I think that whilst everyone now recognises that depression is far more common than first thought, people still don’t understand enough about what it really is. I think that depression education may be something that really needs to be taught in schools – kids especially need to look out for each other – after all it’s a teenager’s job to keep their parents in the dark about everything they do, but not their friends. And although probably harder, as we get older we need to keep an eye on our workmates. According to an article in today’s paper, there has been a 40% increase in anti-depressant medications issued in Australia. Holy shit. It just shows we really do need to look out for each other.

So, I’m thinking of changing my name. No, really! I’m kinda just sick of everyone screwing up what can only be a simple concept!
Everyone knows me as Gus. What seems to confuse so many people is that it might, just might, be short for Angus! Not Gustav, not Augustus, not Gustario (like, wtf did that come from?). And “Gus” is a fairly simple word, yet I’m referred to as “Gust” (how often this one comes up is wierd), “Guz” and “Jus”, amongst many. I try and spell my name out phoentically to someone on the phone who can’t comprehend “G”-”U”-”S”, and suddenly my official name on the system is “Mr Golf Uniform Sierra”. So, what can I do for you Mr. Sierra?

OK, I’ll admit it’s primarily because most people are idiots (wow… I said it twice in two posts!). It really appears to me that most people cannot comprehend that “Gus” and “Angus” are the same name. If it was “Drew”/ “Andrew” or “Mike” / “Michael”, nobody would blink an eye. What’s embarrassing is that even in a work situation, with (mostly) educated people – they still get such a simple concept horribly wrong.

So I’m considering returning to my nom de origine, Angus. At least people can’t screw that up too much – or can they? Waddaya think?

I was chatting with a long-time political antagonist the other night, one who in years past has often given me a good argument from the other side of the political spectrum. Now, however, he’s abandoned his socialist roots and now joins me in being completely despondent about the political state of this nation. If you ask me, it is a sad state of affairs when even the activists are giving up.

A recent article by John Töns summed it up in one good paragraph:

In democracies such as ours it is becoming clear that there is really not a great deal of difference between electing a Labor or Liberal government. All that changes is the rhetoric but the actual policy directions remain much the same. In fact sometimes it seems that the changes in government are limited to changes in the official stationery.

We have a Labor government wanting to introduce censorship in Australia, typically a conservative measure. We have a Liberal opposition wanting to increase taxes and lengthen paid maternity leave, a socialist policy if ever I saw one. What the hell has happened?

Clearly it’s become a system where we need more than a two-party system. But in reality we do not have a two-party system… however because of compulsory voting the two-party system remains. Because Aunt Mabel has ALWSAYS voted Labor. And always will. I remember a video clip from the 2007 elections, where right in my own seat of Bennelong an old granny was talking about what she thought of John Howard and his policies. She replied something along the lines of “Oh, I really like John Howard – he’s such a nice man. I think he’ll do good for this country”. The reporter replied “oh, so you’ll be voting Liberal then”, to which Granny replied “oh no, I’m voting Labor. I’ve always voted Labor”. You could ask the question “why are these people allowed to vote”, but the answer is that she’s forced to. I used to be quite a fan of compulsory voting – in my naieve opinion it meant that every person was forced to take at least some interest in the politics happening around them and act accordingly. But frankly, most people are stupid. There, I said it.

I look at the State Government today and think “my God, how are these people still in power”. Both major newspapers in Sydney have actively run campaigns begging the Governer to suspend Parliament on the grounds of gross incompetence. She can’t, of course, but it gives an accurate indication of the public’s feeling.

I’ve had a scary thought lately though. It’s entirely possible that Labor may remain in power after the next election. The NSW Liberals lost the last election – Labor didn’t win it. They lost an unloseable election and I think they can do it again.

I talked to another friend of mine today, someone who is typically very apolotical but is now so fed up he wants to grab a few mates and form his own political party. Has it come to this? Vigilante political parties? Bring on the Australian Sex Party. At least it stands for something that everyone believes in !

Hello again!

Jeez, this is tragic. A month (or more) between posts. I can see how people think the blogging medium is dying. It seems the only time I get to write these things is whilst trapped in an airline seat on my way somewhere. Today I’m off to Darwin – I think currently we’re somewhere between Mt. Isa and Katherine. There’s a lot of NOTHING down there, that’s for sure! Good ol’ Australia

So last weekend I didn’t go to the Mardi Gras party at Fox Studios, which is something I really look forward to going to every year. It’s something about being surrounded by 20,000 toned half-naked men with beatiful bodies and the fact that many of my friends are always there. It’s the one night of the year I really just let go and be crazy(er). But not this year – I opted to spend the weekend at home and do work on the house, and my life in general. Sad, eh?

Well, not really. I don’t think so at least. To start off with, I promised myself last year that I would have a toned, buff body by Mardi Gras. Didn’t happen. Grew a keg instead of a six-pack. Hence a few weeks ago I decided to get serious with a training program to finally get fit and lose the “puppy fat” that’s been growing in all the wrong areas. So far it’s going ok, but what I don’t understand is how one can really hold down a routine in this day and age! I don’t know about most people, but no two weeks are the same for me – whilst last week was at home, this week has me in Darwin, then Hong Kong on Thursday. I have absolutely no idea where I’m going to be next week. New Zealand the week after that. Canberra and Melbourne the week after. How am I meant to fit in regular exercise sessions, let alone all the other things? I’m such a creature of habit and extremely poor self-discipline. Hence I took last weekend “off” – minimal social engagements, no dance parties, just spending time with Adam and getting everything in order, once and for all.

Hence I have a question to you sexy yet successful men out there – HOW THE F**K do you do it? It seems in life you always have to sacrifice something to make way for others – relationships / friends / health / career. Am I really just being too perfectionist to try and juggle all 4 at once?

ALLOW ME to take the time to get my stories up to date. So much has been happening over the past few months, I feel rather guilty that all I’ve mentioned on this blog since November last year has been my engagement and its subsequent party! In reality, the past two months have been a complete roller-coaster. Allow me to explain.

Well, first up has been the career “re-alignment”. I must be careful at this point not to break one my my golden rules of blogging i.e. don’t blog about work. At least nothing that could be found by a current or future boss.

In essence, I’ve been contemplating my career and where I want to go next – like all good abitious Gen Y’s I’ve been planning two steps ahead in terms of where I want to be and by when. I have to say I quite enjoy where I work – however in essence we are 6 people, and staff turnover is so slow that I am still the most recent person employed, almost 3 years ago. I decided to take a sniff of the air around, and saw what looked to be a really good career opportunity with a prestigious global firm that would give me skills and experiences that would open so many doors. At the time I was looking, there was a lot of confusion in my current position and it looked (to me) as though my own job could get “centralised” – that was the spur I needed so I applied.

I went through two months of pain with a recruiter, 3 interviews, and actually ended up getting offered the job. Long story short – it got to the 11th hour when I was going to hand my resignation in, when my current employer threw the cards on the table and shocked me a little. It turns out there was far more to my current employer than I first thought. After much tossing and turning (poor Adam, he was so sick of my indecision!) I decided that it was better the devil you know, and stayed.

I guess what I did learn out of the entire experience is that nobody was going to look out for my career path but me. The next few months are going to be about me being bloody-minded and driven, moreso than I have ever been before. Well, here’s hoping it all turns out!

Anyway, that’s the boring work stuff out of the way. The rest of the time was far more enjoyable!

Los Angeles
Shortly after the events mentioned earlier, I was sent to Los Angeles to do some training. Unfortunately, it was only for a week and the time after it was so busy at work that I had no chance to stay on and look around. However, from my time there I can say a few things:

In-N’-Out Burger is Fast Food WIN. Only 3 choices on the menu, the potatoes are peeled and turned into fries in front of you, and all produce is local. Needless to say it tastes GREAT and is cheap as all hell.

Driving in LA is crazy man’s business. For some reason, I decided to hire a car, drive on the wrong side of the road on 12-lane highways without a map or GPS, and I didn’t get killed! Am so proud

Hollywood is a dump. No, really. They should be ashamed.

Going out in LA wasn’t as fun as I thought. Sure, having dinner at a 2-Michelin-Stay restaurant in Beverly Hills is pretty good but going to the bars afterwards – there’s just so much attitude! I found it really difficult to strike up a conversation with anyone – it was so much easier to do in London!

On the point above, I love their freepour. Just tip the bartender a good amount and your next Jack n’ coke will be 90% Jack. Seriously – the coke didn’t even turn it dark! Aussie bartenders are so stingy. Thank god I didn’t drive like I was planning to!

On my way over I was sitting at the boarding area (was travelling V Australia, so no Qantas Club for me **sob**) and I noticed a really hot, toned blonde boy who was dressed casual and listening to his iPod – looking so beautiful yet so Australian at the same time. I have to say I was a bit jealous! I looked at him and thought “my god – he’s about my age, and has a body to die for. Some bastards have all the luck”. He really had that toned surfie look, and a killer smile. I decided to take a seat in the boarding area where he was in view – I had to do something to pass the time!. I noticed some American girls also checking him out – then one of them jumped up and asked to have her photo taken with him. Some of the other passengers grinned and even said “man, some people have all the luck”. He gave a goofy adorable grin, posed with the girls, and then sat down, immersed in his iPod. Then some other girls decided they too wanted their picture taken – and I started to get suspicious. This guy DID look quite familiar – kinda like the really hot guy you noticed at the bar who you kept seeing when you went out places. That kind of recognition. Then it hit me…this guy was an actor! Indeed, it was Todd Lasance from Homos and Gays Home and Away who I had a small crush on in 2008. Blimey. I felt a bit better after I noticed him passing me on the plane to go sit down the back of the bus.

As soon as I got off the plane I asked Adam if starfucking was allowed. The jury’s still out on that one

Bathurst
In the past 2 months we’ve been up to Bathurst a fair bit. Really, it’s a lot more enjoyable in winter when it’s not so bloody hot and there are less snakes about. Meanwhile we’ve had a few enjoybale moments up there, including one experience when we decided to take the canoe onto the river and paddle to the other end of the property. Originally I had envisaged that the dogs would swim behind us, but I think swimming is pretty tiring for dogs and the poor blighters got very tired very quickly. Somehow we managed to get them to actually get in the canoe with us and stay still enough to maintain some balance. It was a Kodak moment – Adam, me and the two fur children, in a canoe paddling up the river on a summer’s day with a few beers. Heaven

We also decided for Adam’s birthday to entertain some friends up at Bathurst – one of the first times we had taken people up there. We had 13 people up there at once. I giggled a bit as they arrived – the big long drive into the middle of nowhere, the long rocky road down the hill to where the house was – they thought they were going to some place ala Wolf Creek where they would have to sleep on the floor of a shack whilst listening out for crazy guys with knives. In reality, we spent the weekend drinking and eating crazy amounts of food overlooking the river, including a picnic down by said river involving champagne and strawberries.

Joeyglide
Well, I went to my yearly gliding competition, this year at Narromine (near Dubbo, freshers!). I was too old to compete this year – however it was quite an enjoyable week! If nothing else, I quite like getting away from it all, going west and drinking with a bunch of people who are as crazy as I am. I have to say I was quite glad that since I wasn’t competing, some days it was nice not having to fly and just enjoying myself on the ground. One day it was windy and 45 degrees – a no fly day. So we all sat in the river with a few cans of Bundy and enjoyed the afternoon. Too good if you ask me

And now?
Well there’s probably a lot more to the last few months, I haven’t even covered xmas and NY, but hey I think everyone’s over that already. Currently I’m on a plane flying over the Tasman on my way to New Zealand, listening to Chopin’s “Fantasy Impromptu” as it’s currently inspiring me to start playing the piano again. Well, that and I need something to drown out that baby that’s been crying for the last 3 hours. Why they can’t have a “Family Class” at the very back of the plane where the engines can drown them out I don’t know.

Aaaanyway, that’s all from me folks – if you’ve read this far, me love you long time. This blogging thing is hard!

“SO HOW are you, apart from blissfully happy?”

This was the question Adam got asked many times last week at our engagement party.
You can imagine why – he’s got a house, fur children and bf, and now he’s at a big party that’s all about him, he’s showing off his shiny ring and the booze is free-flowing. What more for a boy to love?
**sigh**

I am never getting engaged again. Once is plenty enough for me! For some reason, I decided that a spit roast would be a great addition to a party – after all I do love my BBQ’s and there’s nothing better than a few beers out on the back deck with a bbq and a few friends.

Only problem was the scale – as the party got closer, the guest list kept growing and growing – all of a sudden there were 90 people confirmed as coming! (which, in Party Mathematicsâ„¢, means anywhere from 60 to 100). So a few beers on the back deck grew into a massive affair, organising food in lots of 10kg. Still, I like it. I don’t know why, but I am very sensitive that I be a good host, and really want a night to go off well and make sure everyone is having a good time. I take it very personally. So that means lots of food, booze, music, and make sure people are mixing well.

Overall we had 85 people walk through our door – which is quite an achievement considering our house is only modestly sized. 65 people were there at the time of the Great Feeding where there was 20kg of beef done on the spit, plus salads and bread and everything else. Once everyone was fed, I started to relax and hit the turps – naturally the fruit vodka punch I made up went quite quickly. I wasn’t allowed to make it as strong as I like to, owing to Adam’s insistence that I usually make it so strong it fumes. And as party mathematics goes, the 65 died eventually died down to 40, then 20, then we were left with the dedicated few who would enjoy the late night drinks and stay over. Hung over bacon and eggs in the morning for Australia Day. Excellent

I have to say though, Adam and I were very touched by all the people who came – we literally were not expecting so many, and with people from as far away as Canberra, Perth, UK and Canada. We got some amazing presents, and the messages written in the cards were very heartfelt and kind. I have to admit – I didn’t really expect it! The fact that people took our engagement seriously and respected us as a couple enough to venture out into the big bad suburbs to celebrate it with us was very much noticed and appreciated. I sometimes do get very self conscious that because we’re not in the ghetto anymore, people think we’re on another planet, or to use a True Blood anecdote – “Mainstreaming”. So for so many people to come – we felt “loved”, to quote Adam.

I think though in the future I will tone down the scale of our social engagements – dinners, Sunday arvo BBQ’s and other intimate soirees are far better for socialising than huge parties where the poor host is run off his feet. This year I feel will be a big one for us in terms of change and solidifying friendships – we are finally getting to a point where we can set up a “pattern” such that we have no more excuses to be antisocial.

Here’s to 2010! *clink*

The plan was as sweet as it was simple. I was to surprise Adam when he got home from work with the house decked out in candles, and then get on one knee to propose. But things never go so easily, do they? So, here is the story as it unfolded.

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I woke up in Narromine at sparrow’s fart, and drove to Dubbo for the early flight to Sydney. Upon arrival in Sydney, I hired a little Hyundai Getz and went to Broadway where the rings were to have been ready. Not long after I landed I got a call from the jeweller saying “awww sorry we haven’t got them done yet – should be done in the next day or two” – not the answer I wanted! In no uncertain terms I explained that he had promised them to be ready by Monday, I had flown down especially, and that they would be ready by the afternoon or I would be pulling the job. That got him going, but he could only promise one ring completed by the end of the day. Oh well, that will at least get me over the line.

I did a few errands during the day, did a little christmas shopping, and then picked up Adam’s ring – it was beautiful, exactly how I imagined it would look when I designed it. A titanium and gold band with an larger inset cognac diamond (flush to the ring), flanked by two smaller colourless diamonds and then two smaller diamonds again. It was elegant, yet masculine at the same time. I was quite excited by this point – I had been waiting and waiting for these rings to be done, and now the only thing stopping me was asking the question!

As for how to ask, I had bounced a lot of ideas off a lot of people, however the biggest part was to be the surprise Adam would get when he got home from work. He thought I was going to be in Narromine all week for a gliding competition. So I went to work, and decked the house out in candles, a few rose petals (picked from his own roses, of course!) – and waited for him to come home. Whilst I had considered many plans and ways of popping the question, I settled on something sweet and simple, with the surprise as the biggest element. I would wait for him to walk through the door, see the look on his face, and get down on one knee. However, what happened next turned everything on its head.

Whilst waiting I went outside to say hello to the fur children, and give them some food. At this point I noticed Shelton looking not very well at all – very quiet and not coming when called. I put down some food – he didn’t touch it. Panic! When a labrador turns down food, something is seriously wrong. If I wasn’t worried enough, I knew that as soon as Adam got home, he would panic and fuss over the dog (and quite rightly so!). I didn’t want the Big Proposal to be marred by a sick puppy, so I grumbled and figured that I would have to put off the big question until later. So I still waited for Adam to come home, I still had the house set out for a surprise, but there would be no ring.

He gets home, and must have noticed the flicker from the candles because he stops just short of the door, and suddenly my phone rings, presumably because he thinks someone had broken into the house! I sigh and open the door, which naturally freaked him right out! I say “come inside, it’s just me” and yes, he was surprised to say the least! I think I almost gave him a heart attack. I brought him inside and explained that I had a far nicer night planned, hence the candles, but we had a serious problem and the dog needed our care. So understandably he panicked and all attention was on the dog.

It was at this point that I knew that my plans for the evening had been ruined. However as Adam, Jasper and myself all sat down around a very sick and sorry Shelton, I thought to myself “you know what, there’s never going to be a perfect time. We’ve never done anything “normally” over the years, why should this be any different? I’m here with Adam and the two kids – this is our family – that’s all it has to be“. So I did it, I pulled the box out of my pocket, arranged myself subtlely on one knee, and asked him if he would marry me. The tears welled up, I think the poor boy was having a very emotional evening! He managed to whisper out a “yes” and the deed was done – I put the ring on his finger.

The moment didn’t last forever though – the dog was getting worse and we had to make the decision to take him to the hospital. Thankfully a 24-hour small animal hospital was not too far away so we packed Shelton in the car and got him looked at – they confirmed it was fairly serious and wanted to run a few tests as well as put him on an IV drip and monitor him in the ICU. Whilst comforting Adam in the waiting room I couldn’t help but look at the ring on his finger and think about just how surreal the whole experience was. I had just proposed an hour earlier and here we were in an animal hospital. Typical Adam & Gus! Wouldn’t be right any other way.

After paying a substantial amount of money (in the 4 figures) to the hospital we went home and enjoyed a precious few hours sleep before I got up and left for Narromine, leaving Adam to look after the dog who was reported to be getting slowly better. On landing in Dubbo, I decided the first people I should tell are my family – with mixed success I might add but the ceremony isn’t for a few years so there’s plenty of time to get used to the fact. They weren’t happy when my brother got married, and he’s straight – so I wasn’t surprised with their reaction about my news

I will put up photos of the rings soon – needless to say I haven’t seen much of the boy so far! Stay tuned

…the cat will play?

Well maybe not play per se, but get up to very G-rated mischief anyway.

I’ve found when I’m travelling, I indulge in all sorts of vices that I can never do when I’m at home. It’s one of the blessings, I guess. Watch television in bed. Drink a beer, watching television, in bed. Drink a beer, chat on the computer whilst watching television, in bed. Ahhhhh.

However my biggest indulge when I’m on the road is the long shower. It’s something we Aussies instinctively feel guilty about – however when I’m in New Zealand, the Kiwis know nothing of drought. And the hotels have huuuuuuge shiny showers, sometimes even with a monster sized bath! So I have to admit tonight I had an hour long shower, sat down and just pondered life, the universe, and everything whilst I slowly turned into a stewed prune. A stewed prune with a beer, of course

Which got me thinking – I must not be the only person to have a naughty little vice when I’m out of town – what do you all like to do when away from home, and in some way away from responsibility? Go on a chocolate binge? A drinking binge? Try out the local “wildlife”?

What’s your travel vice?