VolaciousNet

Ok.. this is WIERD

I had a very vivid dream yesterday morning… just before my uni results came out. I was sitting in a park with Ryan, and on a huge scoreboard (like those you see at football stadiums), my exam results came up. Of course, two of them I already knew.. but the other two came up.
I think it was INFS1000 — 72 Cr
MATH2005 – 36 F

I woke up, realised that it was after 9am and that my marks would be posted.. so had a look
Only got one back.. Maths.. 35. F Hmmm.. a little freaky. (and yes.. i’m very pissed off and upset that I failed a sub, probably ending up in the loss of my scholarship etc etc, but that’s another matter) But that was it. INFS hadn’t come back.
Today, just looked… INFS1000 – 72 Cr

Is that freaky?

Well, it’s midnight on Monday the 8th. I think the rest of my exam results come out at 9am later today.. i’m a little bit worried!!!

I’ve gotten two back already, SOFT2001 was 63 – which I guess wasn’t that surprising.. and ELEC3504 was 66.. which WAS surprising!! I must have done really really well in the exam, considering I had next to no assessment marks for it!

The two to come back.. INFS1000 i’m not worried about.. but MATH2005 is going to be close I reckon. Could still be a fail.
If I pass it, I will be the happiest man on earth. If I don’t, I’m in a world of shit. Such extremes!!! So watch this space!! I need a 65+ average to keep my scholarship.. atm im on 64.5…..

Hmmm… Had a good weekend this weekend… Went out to a 21st on Saturday night, and whilst I was glad to see Lindsay, the rest of my SGS “acquaintances” didn’t have much to say to me. Really, I didn’t care. They were all as boring as shit. Met some great new ppl though!! And they all loved Ryan… heh heh.
After that, went to Stonewall, but the bouncer was being a dickhead, and we ran into Nathan, so decided to run off to Arq. Spent a bit of time in there.. not a lot.. I wanted to dance, but Ryan was quite tired, so I was a good bf and brought him home. Not a huge satty night out.. but probably good considering my finances *blushes*
I have to really REALLY save my money now. I want to go up to Brisbane over New Year’s… it will be my yearly holiday! I wanna take Ryan with me too… in fact I really really really wanna.

Talked to my brother this afternoon at length as to my plans re: Mum and how I’m going to survive next year.
He endured a life of hell living at home, and had a very lonely existence, much like the one i’m going to face if I stay here.
SO
I have made some of the following plans…
MUST see what I can do about centrelink.. pull any strings possible, but try and qualify as an independent for youth allowance.. that way I will get a good subsidy per fortnight.. friends of mine are recieving up to 400 / fortnight.. I need to do the same. And I need to tell sarah about plans for Brisbane.. and chat to Ryan about what we’re going to do.
Get that stuff for the Rifle Club through.. only got two weeks to spend all of our money…
Hmm.. what else…
Well.. there’s a lot to do anyway.

Anyway.. i’m tired now.. is bedtime! *mwa* to all!!!

Oh wow!!! What a good 24 hours!!!

Well, last night Ryan came over.. that was soo sweet. Had fun..relaxed.. ate chinese.. hahaha.. I love times like that!
And tonight we’re going out to a 21st and later onto Oxford St.. should be fun!!! It’s all about taking things easily, never too seriously, living moment for moment and not worry about the little things. Sure, worrying about the little things is what I’m famous for, but I’m trying to beat those habits out of me! :p it can be done!! hahah

And today.. well.. wow! Y’all know how I was saying those things about mum before.. well, I tried a little “patching up”… and it’s surprising what a bit of effort can do. We went out to Zephyr Music in Crows Nest and bought 150 bucks worth of music for me to get my sinigng going with.. I’ve got some great tunes to knock out now!! So I’m all motivated for that again!

And then went to see Aled Jones in concert at the Opera House with mum. That was brilliant, like me, he was a talented singer as a treble (though he was a damn sight better.. he was best in the world), so it was uplifting to see how good he is singing now. Sorta shows there’s hope, y’know?

anyway!! I have to go and make myself beautiful to go out tonight heh heh… so all of you out there, my biggest hugs n’ kisses!!! *mwa*

Byyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Ok.. a few things!!!

First things first, I have some more photos for review. These are from a set I took a bit of time ago, but only got developed recently (I know.. laziness!)
However, much different subject matter. Tell me what you think. So far the cows won out of the last lot… heheh as Jason said.. it’s all a conspiracy!!! The cows have their eye on me…

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I’m not going to bother putting up another poll.. just leave a comment! Fanks

And in other news (shuffles paper and tries to read teleprompter)

Had a god-awful shit night tonight.
I’ll put it down in brief… I’ve already vented to Ryan.. he was so good to listen to it all… but I like to vent on this (after all, that’s what a journal is for!)
Mum came waltzing downstairs in her usual style (stomping and screetching my name).. anyway.. there was something she didn’t like.. I think I left a plate in the sink upstairs. Bad Gus.
Anyway, she started on her usual rant about how I wasn’t keeping clean enough for her liking (after all.. a dirty plate in the sink is SERIOUS business!)… but then did it escalate. She started to have a go at my lifestyle, told me I was stupid an estimate of 18 times, told me how disappointing I was a few times, she told me I was stupid for lacking in motivation (which I have been a lot lately), but her way of helping out there was saying “snap out of it or you can forget any financial assistance from us”. Nice to know she was positive about it all.

Over the past two years, I have built myself from being lowest of the low, having stripped my character down to its bare essentials, and built it back up again, finally getting some self-confidence and happiness in my life. And things have been looking up lately, and I really haven’t been happier in a long time. Sure, I’m lacking motivation, causing a bit of anxiety, but really, I can’t think of too many my age that are supremely motivated. What does mum do? She knows exactly how to hurt me. She is one of the very very few that can pierce my self-confidence and bring my self-image crashing around my knees. She knows it. She uses it. I’m not living my life exactly how she wants, so she uses whatever leverage (financial / emotional) she can to manipulate me into doing it.

Thus i’m left with few choices. And I don’t like any of them. I will need to become financially independent soon, so I can give her the finger and live my own life. That will be hard. Especially with the intensity of my uni course and everything else. And I don’t want to have to shut my own mother out of my life in order to keep my sanity.

*sigh* I’m sure I will figure out something to do. I always find a way somehow, and it usually ends up well, so I shouldn’t stress, but just look at it logically and try and figure out what I can do in the short term to keep her happy enough that she doesn’t feel the need to attack me again.

Apart from that.. good day!!! lol. I get to see my boy tomorrow.. i’ve been looking forward to that for a bit of time.
Take care all!!!
*mwa*

Gus

Ok.. my machine seems to be breathing again… after it was rude enough to corrupt its own kernel, then (I think probably through fault of my own in deleting Linux), the MBR and bootsector become corrupted. That wasn’t fun. That meant I couldn’t even load windows if I wanted to (FDD has never worked on this computer). I was good enough to get the data off, and format the fucker. I will slowly but surely beat this computer into submission.

Today has not been a good day. Why.. I’m not entirely sure. I must have woken up on the wrong side of bed. It didn’t take much to set me off in the morning, and I was a complete grumblebum for the rest of the day. We all get days like that I know.. but you run such a danger of hurting others at the same time and making it allll worse. I’ve learnt the hard way soooo many times how dangerous it is to react / say things when tired / stressed / emotional. Keep mind of it Gus!

What’s happening I think has a lot to do with being stuck indoors. things aren’t orginised, my mind’s in a mess, and, well, I really have too much free time to myself. I need something to distract me. And some fresh air always does well!!!

So… I resolve to do this:

1. Eat well. At least 3 meals a day (yes.. believe it or not, I “forget” to eat sometimes.)
2. SOME exercise, for at least an hour. Be it walking / cleaning up the yard, or god forbid, doing something strenuous on the rowing machine.
3. Keep Tidy. Makes EVERYONE happier, including me. I just don’t realise it and become lazy.
4. Get out. See people. Do things. Anything!

Lol. I think sometimes you need shitty days to sit back at take a look at yourself, and try to use it to your advantage. I’m just really regret that when I get in these moods, the smallest things set me off, and I think today Ryan copped a bit of that. Not because of anything he did… I just was emotional / cranky and took it all the wrong way. But at least I’m recognising it, and hopefully doing something to change it!

Anyway.. I’m tired.. it’s 3am.. my comp has only just started to behave herslef and resemble some of her former glory (you wouldn’t believe the amount of shit I had on there!)… so it’s bedtime for me! Wake up tomorow, and it’s a new and glorious day!

Take care all!!!! And pleeaassee pleeeaaasssee do tell me which of my photos I should develop and enlarge.. if you can’t use the poll, leave a comment!! just something!!!

Byeeeee!!!!

Well here are a few of the photos from the last two weekends in Oberon… I’m trying to get my hand back into b/w photography, but as you can see I still need some practice. These images are NOT doctored, and have been simply scanned in from the original prints.

Let me know which one you like and a reason, or leave a comment! Fanks boys and girls. And you’re welcome to tell me they’re shit.

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It’s a beautiful day! Woke up feeling fresh, recieved a wonderful SMS on da phone, and have now settled down with a coffee to get stuck into a hard day’s work designing websites :p

But FIRST! Must talk about yesterday! I managed to break free of this prison that is my home, and get out and see a few people, which always makes me feel good! First up, at 1pm (i.e. very early in the day.. heh heh), I went to see Sarah (my ex-gf.. yes yes I know!!!) who had just flown in from Brisbane in the morning. It was good to see her again, and I treated her to some Thai on Glebe Point Road, and wow..the thing I like about there is the sheer amount of food they dish out.. it’s brilliant! You’d never go hungry. So now we’re planning accomodation next year.. I think we both know that I have no chance of surviving at home… blood will be spattered on the walls once mum enters “stressfull holidays mode”. So thinking an option might be to stay at college for 6 months.. then move out once we have money / I have proved to my parents that i’m really not a dismal failure and incapable of looking after myself (the past two years of me living out of home doesn’t seem to have impacted on them any)

Then went to see Brenda and Tim.. they are doing well. First fixed Brenda’s computer, which had a nasty version of w32.swen.AA plastered all over it. Then took Timmy up to the Irish Pub just up the road and enjoyed a wine and Guinness (feeling oh-so-classy!) I was so happy to see him in relatively good spirits, and talking about the future, and being excited / infatuated about this new boy that he met. It really made me feel so good. I know that everything that is still happening is taking a lot out of him… but i’m just so glad to see he’s tapped into that strength of his and is finding ways to get himself through it all. And Brenda was looking healthy too.. I must go with her to that photography exhibit that I was always meaning to go to.

Decided that I may as well not go home… my plans to meet up with the craaaaazy Novocastrian, Chula, fell through as the poor little darling was off chatting up cute hockey boys at Homebush. So decided to go see another Sarah.. one who used to go out with my best friend (and subsequently became a great friend of mine)… and took her up to the Belrose Pub for a drink or 3 and a big catch up session! It was good to see her in good spirits too! Although she just had a nasty breakup with her bf of 4 1/2 years, she seems to be ok and ready to move on. And from what she tells me.. she’s getting quality, not just quantity… hahahaha. That’s what I like to hear!! She did say something to me though.. she said she was so happy that I had found myself and what I wanted after school.. she was right. I was a miserable boy at school, and indeed through much of first year uni. And now.. look at me!!! *points to self and grins inanely* I am a happy boi these days.. sure we all have upsets, but overall, i am a happy boi !!!!! Goddamn though it took a lot though!!! haha. Maybe the only way to really change yourself is to rip yourself down to the lowest of the low, and build yourself up again, piece by piece. Anyway! enough on that! I thought it was interesting! *random musings over a rum and coke*

Ohhhhhhh!!! And my photos should be ready for collection today!!!! yayayayay!!! will be interesting to see if I still have any photographic talent left… heh heh if any are decent, I will post them here on LJ for y’all :p

anyway.. got lotsa work to do today! *mwa* to all!!!

Gus
xxoo

Looook what I found!!!! I noticed a link to this site, and remembered that I had a photo posted on there from ages ago! I logged on.. and WOW!!! *laughs*
But WHO HAS BEEN RATING ME 5′s? *growls* heh heh heh

ANYWAY! back to reality….

Heeeey everybody!!! *kisses to all*
I decided I’d write a post about my weekend.. but it’s got lots of pictures and talk about flying, so i’ll put it in an LJ-cut so your friends page doesn’t take so long to load up!! But dooo leave comments! I feel really special when ppl say stuff :p heh heh

I had a really good weekend, and have got a good start on a new week

Well!!!!! What a weekend! To start the ball rolling.. as I may have mentioned. I went flying!! is the first time for almost 2 months and a bit.. i was getting withdrawl symptoms! I went up to Oberon on Saturday afternoon after a nice sleep until midday… had a good trip up, got there about 3pm. Went for a ride on the motorbike See! A photo I took of my bike on top of the hill. I’m trying to really get back into my black and white photography….
H201 Standard Libelle	Then on sunday, Got up nice and early, went out to Bathurst. Met Aaron and Keith (such a cute couple.. they’re like my idols… 40 y/o, relationship for 16 years, and fly alllll the time! heh heh)… and watned Aaron to teach me to do Stall Turns properly ( I keep stuffing them up, and once even put it into a tail slide NOT FUN!!!) Unfortunately, he was still sick with heatstroke, having been out on an airfield for the past week. So I got out the little libelle (left) and prepared her for flight, and decided to go up. Wasn’t the best of weather, but the air was very very unstable (because of the cold front moving in), so there were still thermals under the higher clouds.. I was a bit nervous taking off, as it was a heavy cross-wind, and I hadn’t flown the Libelle for about 6 months. But hey.. I musta remembered something.. perfect takeoff!!! Didn’t even drop a wing. I released from the tow plane at about 2,500′ abover the ground, and was instantly in a thermal… climbed to about 6,500′ and went off to find another one. Chased a few other gliders around and stole their thermals, but hey, is all good fun. I like thermalling with other gliders.. you can get so close you see the other pilot sweating as he tries to outclimb you. I eventually got up to cloudbase, which was about 8,000′, and did a bit of “cloud-surfing” , which involves me putting a bit of speed up, and skiming the bottom of the clouds, which have small updraughts beneath them to keep you from losing height. Eventually, decided I I should really land, as I wanted to fly the other glider. Bit of a bounce on landing *cringes* but hey.. the aircraft can be used again, so all good!!!
Upon landing, I pretty much managed to jump straight into another aircraft, which was just sitting there on the launch grid. It was the brand new machine that had just been shipped in from Germany, the DG 505 Orion. A beautiful machine, a 2-seater, and a great aircraft to take passengers up in, since it’s so quiet and smooth. So, to get a type check, I grabbed an instructor and told him to sit in the front whilst I piloted from the back. OMG.. what a wonderful machine! So smooth.. I’ll admit it handles like a stuck pig in terms of inertia, but still managed to thermal it nicely when everyone else was falling out of the sky! I was pretty proud that we managed to stay up for over an hour, when the sky went completely overcast and we decided it was time to land. Not a bad landing (esp for first time flying this aircraft type), and when I got out the instructor told me he was sehr impressed!! *gus’s ego balloons* heh heh, and told me I was a very good pilot and capable!!! so that made me a bit happier! Anyway.. Got back to Sydney, and then saw Ryan that evening up at Gelatissimo, where we had asked me out exactly 2 months earlier. *sigh* soooo perfect!!!!!!!!!! I’m really really taken with this boy. I was really ashamed of myself when I was paranoid earlier in the day.. I must learn to control all of that! Every time i’m with him, i’m the happiest person on earth. I must remember that!	DG505 “Orion”

*mwa* to all!!!!