Well, it’s 4am and I’ve just finished that GOD AWFUL essay. Yes… it’s DONE!
My god.. it was more painful than pulling teeth. But it’s over now. I’m going to submit it to the lecturer, with a good sob story and some embellishments on the truth, and see if I can get any leniancy whatsoever. I doubt it. Oh well.. I probably deserve a shithouse mark anyway.
I just want this week to be over! It has been such a disaster which I never really want to repeat again.. and I fear I will have paid a pretty nasty price. But it is not completely lost yet.
I am feeling a bit better about myself now that I have two assignments completed tonight. One on time, one not, but done anyway. One not completed, but worth 5% so I’m willing to cop it sweet and hand it in next monday anyway.

I guess it’s been another learning experience… the pain of the past few days has reminded me that sometimes I really just have to do whatever it takes. And it’s good, because I’m learning self-discipline. It’s not as easy as it sounds though, because my mind is fighting me every step of the way. Whatever fucked up chemical process is going on in there, causing this spell of depression, doesn’t make it any fucking easier. I’ll get through it though. I always do.

I’m really really looking forward to this weekend! In particular Saturday. I haven’t been this excited about anything for a long time… I think it’s a good sign. It shows a progression from my previous apathy for everything in life towards actually being interested in something / someone. It’s something and if I can just grasp a hold of that feeling, I might be able to hoist myself out of this shit. Adam’s coming over at 9am in the morning to pick me up, and I know nothing about his plans except for the fact that he asked me to keep the entire day and night free. It’s just so great to have someone put in an effort for me JUST ONCE, rather than me having to organise everything. I don’t mind doing all the work sometimes, but really it can get to you. I haven’t told him yet that I’m on A/D’s, I plan to do it on the weekend. I’m pretty sure he will understand.

Anyway, I’m going to have one last cigarette before grabbing some Z’s on the couch. I’ve got enough time for a few hours of sleep before getting back into it for the rest of Friday. As long as I’m awake for my first shift at work, that’s all that matters!