Wow!!!! Gussy is finally single no longer! The longest single period of my life (save the first 19 years) appears to be over. On Monday, Adam came over to my place, after doing fire hazard training literally down the road from me, and we had a great time, and we pretty much decided it was going to be official. Why not, eh? He is absolutely adorable! Yes boys and girls, Gus is s-c-h-m-i-t-t-e-n!!
*sighs*
*looks at cup of coffee*
*smiles*

Aaaaaalso.. went and bought myself a bookcase today for my room… the cardboard box excuse I have for storing my books and files finally fell apart on me. So now, for $30, I have a great bookshelf that even goes with my room’s colour scheme! hahaha . Needed a bit of retail therapy though.

So that’s nice. All is not peachy though. I’m still having a lot of trouble getting myself into doing the uni work.

Self discipline. That’s all it is really isn’t it? Then why do I have absolutely NONE of it?
My essay is now 30 hours overdue. It’s worth 30%. I fuck this up, I’ve pretty much failed. NOT good. Soooooo Gus…what are you going to do? That’s right. Sleep on the sofa. Eeeeexcellent.

Energy levels still aren’t brilliant. Went to see the psych this morning, He’s upped the dosage on the A/D’s… doubling it for the next 3 days then tripling it. Luverly. Got a few important tactics sorted out today.. but as soon as I got home I collapsed on the couch and didn’t wake up until 5pm. That’ll teach me for not sleeping last night. My body hates me, but that’s ok, ‘cos I hate it back.

My previous tactics of panicking myself no longer work.. I used to be able to convince myself of impending doom and make myself anxious, thus getting me to force some work out. Now the apathy is too much… I can’t get panicked. As I type this… I’m looking at the sofa and thinking how nice it would be just to get an hour or two of nap.

Ok. So I have to think of some positives. A bit of cognitive thinking is required here. Yes, this is a trying time and I need to get over it to become stronger. Yes, it’s forcing me to learn self-discipline. So what can I do? Where do I start? Start small.. do little bits. Make small achievements. As with regards to the essay.. I’m going to sit here and write for 1500 words, on whatever crap comes to mind. It is going to be shoddy. It is going to be substandard. But there is method in my madness. My perfectionistic nature is what is preventing me from starting… I don’t know exactly how to answer the question correctly, so I’m not starting. Well, I’m going to answer it in whatever way I like. At least that will get words on paper. At least I will get to the alpha draft. Once I have something down, I’m sure my mind will start to think a bit more clearly.
So it’s 11pm now… 3 hours of work. No stops. Sit here until its done. Let’s gooooo!!