The CityRail Law of Relativity

Standing on the station the other day, I was pondering the very nature and fabric of the universe (as one does on train platforms). According to Albert Einstein, we are bound by the base laws of physics, and whilst time is relative to an observer, it still appears to hold a distinct linearity and casuality.

Of course, if mankind wants to conquer interstellar travel or create ultra fast communication of information, we have to learn to manipulate time. We’ve experimented with Quantum Entanglement (Quantum Pairs) and we’ve pondered String Theory, a concept that has kept our most prized boffins amused for years. What we have failed to realise however is that the secret is lying right under our nose, in a phenomenon known as the Carr Effect.

This effect is most noticeable in the state of New South Wales’ public rail system. A recent installation of highly sophisticated and accurate measuring systems present on every platform displays in red LED’s the estimated time and destination of a train, with no reference to the position or velocity of the train, nor to its actual existence in this physical realm. A recent experiment conducted at Redfern Station showed the nature of this phenomenon to be quite alarming and true. The following observations were noted:

1120 Train is reported by system to arrive in 20 minutes, and have a destination of Gordon.
1130 Train is reported by system to arrive in 20 minutes, and have destination of Gordon
1140 Train is reported by system to arrive in 10 minutes, and have destination of Gordon
1145 Train is reported by system to arrive in 13 minutes, and have destination of Gordon
1148 Train is reported by system to arrive in 2 minutes, and have destination of Gordon
1149 System screen goes blank. Train not observed.
1155 Train is reported by system to arrive in 15 minutes, and have a destination of North Sydney
1202 Train is observed to be approaching platform, but from opposite end than expected
1203 Train is reported by system to arrive in 3 minutes, and have a destination of Parramatta
1203 Train is observed leaving station. System reports train to arrive in 20 minutes, with a destination of Hornsby
1215 Train is observed to arrive at station heading in correct direction, with system indicating that train is due to arrive in 16 minutes, and go to Hornsby
1216 Observer boards train, and muffled heavily indian-accented P.A. system announces that the train has a destination of Lindfield

I think the results are fairly self-explanatory. There is apparently a complex mathematical equation that involves Chaos Theory and the Theory of Indeterminacy that is commonly used to explain this occurrence, but I postulate that it is in fact similar to the much-fabled Bistromathic concept, which quotes the concept of recipriversexcluson i.e. Being anything apart from itself. Ponder on this I shall.