VolaciousNet

It was the worst possible image I could have imagined. In front of me, Adam was lying on the ground in a pool of blood, his lifeless eyes staring through me as he lay on a cold marble floor. I couldn’t speak… I couldn’t do anything. It felt like a hand was crushing my heart… no, it was crushing me entire being. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t do a thing. This monstrous visage was squeezing at my very sould and I couldn’t do a thing about it.

Something wasn’t right though… this couldn’t be right. It must be a dream… a nightmare. In my mind I went through a slideshow of the most evil, the most horrible sights, before ending up with a visage of Adam as he was, cold and unseeing on the floor. If it was all in my mind, all I had to do was wake up somehow. I tried to scream, I tried to yell… no sound came out. I tried harder, a blood-curdling moan came out. If I was asleep, someone would shake me awake with the noise I was making. This wasn’t working… I let out another blood-curdling scream, and some sound came out. The invisible grasp was clutching tighter at me, trying to drag me away somewhere, yanking my body downwards and downwards, whilst instilling in my the very definition of terror. I tried to make more noise… it was my only hope. I felt my body shaking… real, physical hands behind me, shaking me, and a terrified voice resonated in my ear “Gussy!!! What is it? What’s wrong? Talk to me!” And there I was, in the bedroom, still half feeling this invisible hand but at the same time feeling other hands on me trying to get the attention. The voice came back again “Gussy!!!”. The voice was male… the scene had changed, but I shaking and still unable to talk. I bolted my eyes open and felt the hand around me with my own. A face was staring down at me… it was Adam. Nothing could explain the releif I felt… I grabbed him and hugged him, still shaking. Thank God.

I told Adam about my nightmare… what I told him frightened him, and it frightened me too. This wasn’t just a normal nightmare… this was a slideshow of pure horror. I was being tortured… Adam’s visage wasn’t the only one, there were others, and they were extremely vivid, so much so that I can still remember them, every detail. And the evil that was present, it was unlike anything I had every experienced before. The demonic presence enveloping my being was undescribable.

Adam has always had a hobby of reading the dreams he has. He even has a “dream book” that he looks up and deciphers his dreams depending on what motifs were present. This was something different though. Usually my dreams are fun… I’ve always had a very subtle form of conscious control over my dreams… usually I know I’m dreaming, and I try to play into the dream as much as possible, thinking up the most fun situations and playing them out. Every now and then it involves some amazing sex with some extremely hot boys… after all, since I know it’s all fantasy, I may as well fulfil it as much as I can, because after I wake up it will back to my normal life in a realistic world, and that’s never as fun. Thankfully in the situation just described I knew the situation could not be real, and that realisation led me to know that if I could wake up and find Adam lying beside me, the images I had seen could not be true.

I’m not usually one to talk about dreams, and usually hearing about other people’s dreams cause my eyes to glaze over, but the experience I went through last night has had me thinking very hard about why . It was something different… I was being “told” something, either by my subconscious or something much more ominous… something spiritual.

I’ve always been a believer in “limited fate”, in that fate puts us in situations beyond our control, but it is our choice as to how we deal with them. This choice will then define us as a person. As to what I saw, I’ve come to the conclusion that I will have to face a difficult crossroads ahead. A situation will likely be put in front of me that I may or may not realise is import, but the consequence of choosing the wrong path will have dire consequences, maybe even resulting in some of the images I saw in my nightmare.

Question to my readers: Have you ever had a dream so vivid and so disturbing that you were sure it was meant to be a message to you from somewhere? If so, did you ever find what it was for, or even better have it fulfilled?

Shelton resting his head on Adam’s lap on the way home from the farm.

They say a gay boy’s best friend is his mum. That is, unless you have a dog. Then, the dog comes first. Always.

It’s especially true when there’s a couple involved… the dog becomes the couple’s child. Pampered, spoiled, and utterly adored. Big dog or little dog, it doesn’t matter.

It was most upsetting today to go visit a dear friend of mine, X, whose little Foxy Terrier passed away yesterday. He was jogging down the road with her on the leash, fumbled the leash for a second, the dog darted off and right in front of a speeding car. Finito. All over. I really felt for X, as he’s been through some rough times lately and this dog was bringing so much joy into his life and that of his partner. I went to see him up in the mountains, and have some very nice coffeeHe gave me some of his dog’s food to take home with me… looking at the half-open bag of pork treats in the car, I couldn’t help but shed a tear. Beside me was Adam, with Shelton curled up at his feet and his head on Adam’s lap. That was when the photo above was taken. I couldn’t help but remind myself just how special both of those boys were in my life.

I’d just had a big weekend with my boys… we headed up to the farm and Shelton was pretending he was a country dog. Riding on the back of the ute in Bathurst, running beside the ute as we went looking for kangaroos, chasing said kangaroos, then chasing some cows before ploking himself exhausted into the freezing cold dam. Typical labrador. A few weekends ago my 3-year-old nephew was proudly telling his mum that he was playing with the “big dog” and that “Shelton is a boofhead!”, copying my words exactly Too cute!

I can’t even imagine how I would feel if something ever happened to Shelton. Let alone Adam, the doting, obsessive mother who thinks a bump on the head from rough play is cause enough to go to the vet. He really is “our little boy”, and Adam takes the role of the fussy mother whilst I am the stern but affectionate father who sneaks him treats when “mum” isn’t looking. In fact Shelton takes after his Dad in a lot of ways… has no class, humps legs, enjoys red wine and coffee, and has a nicotine addiction. In fact, the little sod has eaten about 6 of my ciggie packets when I wasn’t watching, sneaking them off the table when I’m not looking. I don’t think we’d really be a “family” without him. We even take him up to the dog park near where my mother lives, in the ultra-snooty Wahroonga in northern Sydney. I was so proud when I saw him race off full-speed and crash-tackle some fluffy preened poodle into the mud. Then diving headfirst into water bucket before shaking himself beside the soccer mums assembled nearby. That’s my boy!

Thanks to Real Euphoria for finding this beautiful specimen.

Ow! My body hates me. I recently signed over my soul to Fitness First, in my latest attempt to overhaul my lifestyle. It’s expensive, yes, but I figure that with enough money bleeding out of the hip pocket, I may as well use the facilities and actually tone myself up a little. Can’t hurt, right? WRONG!

Well, I’ve realised just how unfit I am… I got on the rowing machine, which I used to be fairly good on, and the first 500 metres… easy… just like old times! The second five hundred… my god, I have never been so short on breath! I think it really is time to stop smoking. I can’t do this anymore.

The personal trainer agrees. It’s gotta stop… I want to bulk up a little, gain about 8 kgs, and considering my already hyperactive metabolism, smoking will make gaining weight almost impossible.

I now have a goal… by New Year’s Day, I’m going to HomeSexual, and I want to look good enough to be able to take my shirt off. Shallow, and vain, yes, but I need it

Meanwhile, Adam has signed up with me. We’re both on a mission to trim ourselves up a little So far, it’s meant we get home all hot and sweaty, which just leads to another bout of exercise. Oh well… win win !

In even bigger news, we have the darling Jon, aka skywardxplosion, who arrived late last week and has been enjoying our hospitality in our dear little house up here in Ryde. He’s gone completely snap happy, and many photos of Adam and myself have appeared on his Australian photo albulms. It’s been fun though… this weekend we’re taking him up to our farm, showing him kangaroos, and I’m going to take him up in a glider out at Bathurst.

Meanwhile I hope y’all haven’t forgotten about me, with my ever-more-infrequent posts. Blogging can be difficult to maintain sometimes… takes discipline, and those disciplinary energies are being used elsewhere.

‘lata pplz

It was my knowledge of Kylie. Or my admission that I’d been to a Cher concert. In any case, I’m now outed at work Ahhh well, it was only a matter of time.. I have well and truly passed my probation period, and the boss’ reaction was “So Gus when were ya gunna tell us? You’ve been holding out!”. As for the others, well they haven’t said much but time is always the true indication. Really, it doesn’t bother me… as long as I’m treated as professionally as I was before.

Thankfully I’m now back from Canberra… hopefully don’t have to go back down there for some time… beleive me I was sick of that place by the end. Cold, boring, and I made a poor choice of hotel in the final few nights. Now back in Sydney, and getting to curl up in bed next to my own personal heater (even if he does snore sometimes).

Back in 2004, when we first started dating, 3 months into the relationship he sends me a sappy SMS with the order “keep the 27th of September 2007 free”. I know what he was thinking… in 3 years time, if we were still together, someone was going to get proposed to.
And now… that date is only a month and a half away!!!! He brought it up the other night… honestly I had forgotten it for some time. What will I do? Well… I have a few ideas Maybe will… maybe I won’t. He’s always wanted to be “eternally engaged”, and we’ve agreed that marriage will only come when it’s legal in this country. But I could always propose well before that… **thinks evil yet sweet thoughts**…

Sleep on this I shall.